Friendzoned
by Neferit
Summary: Sometimes, the sexual orientation is not completely obvious as it seems to be. Some liberties taken with the game. Kink meme inspired. In progress.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Anon over at the kink meme said:

_So I can't be the only one who wanted their Fem Shep to jump Cortez right? So Shep and Cortez become very close friends. She helps him grieve and move on from losing his husband. I'd like to see her losing Thane and him being there for her. They end up falling for each other, but not knowing the other has too. Shep thinks he is only attracted to men, so just kinda puts her feelings for him aside and keeps tries to think of him only as a friend. She does things that drive him crazy, like getting undressed in front of him cuz he's not attracted, right? I'd like to see a lot of UST. They finally figure it out, maybe a crew member points it out? Go where you will with this. I just love Cortez!_

And I said – huzzah! Buh then I _'dared'_ to add my opinion to the prompt, as well as announcing another person who is likely to fill the prompt and immediately I was jumped for daring to speak up. I understand that I joined the debate about after a month the prompt was posted - but really, I knew there was a reason why so many prompts remain unfilled, huh. Almost prevented me for really filling the prompt myself – because hey, if my opinion, together with the announcement was a bother, it would suggest that my prompt fill would _also_ be a bother. So – so far I'm really wondering whether to actually post this at the meme, or just keep it here at and my own LJ.

**Disclaimer:** No hetero-/homo-/bisexual people were hurt in the making of this fanfic; I'm not here to "cure" anyone from their sexual orientation – I just decided to play on the note that maybe, _just maybe_, Steve found some traces of bisexuality in him. I own nothing – but if you had free Jokers lazing around, feel free to send them over! ;)

**One**

Some months ago, his life had been pretty; he was happily married to a man he loved and who loved him back, they had nice flat at the colony and everything was fine. He would wake up sooner than Robert each morning, savouring the time before his husband awoke, and gazed upon the face of the person he loved so much.

His love, his _anchor_ in this crazy world.

Things changed abruptly. He was on the outer rims of the colony, repairing something when the Collector swarm stroke. The fate was unmerciful back then – his vehicle refused to work and when he started running back to the colony, his communicator came alive.

"Robert!" he yelled to the comm, desperation making him quicker, "I will come for you, don't worry!"

"Steve, do not dare come back – stay where you are, you would only got caught, too!"

He couldn't understand why his loved one doesn't want him back. "Robert?" he gasped to the comm, running as quick as he was able. Damn! Trust it to his luck to make him twist his ankle now of all the times!

"Steve," Robert's voice sounded calm and serene, "Promise me something. I love you – but I know you. Do not make this moment; do not make _me_, your anchor – live, my love,_ live_ for me."

"Robert?" he whispered to the comm, not wanting to believe what he heard. "Robert! Don't!"

But the comm remained dead, just like the colony, when he finally managed to drag himself there.

**-o.O.o-**

Steve woke up with a startle, gasping for air like a fish out of its tank. Blasted nightmares. Every time he was trying for more than six hours of sleep and went to his bunk while not being completely drained, the nightmares came, leaving him trembling and scared.

He hated feeling so weak and helpless.

Look at the clock revealed it was about three in the morning. _'Damn it. Once again no more than about five hours of sleep.'_

Kicking the blanket aside, he reached for his pants and shirt. He won't fall asleep again, so he may as well make himself useful and look at the Kodiak thrusters again.

**-o.O.o-**

"_I love you, Steve – but I know you. Do not make this moment, do not make _me_, your anchor…"_

Steve knew he shouldn't listen to the last message he received from Robert as much and as often as he did. Especially not after waking up after another round of nightmares about the whole attack. But these moments, stolen in the dead of the night were usually the only moments he could steal just for Robert's voice.

Not this time, as it showed, when a discreet cough sounded from behind him, alerting him to someone's presence.

"Lieutenant?"

"Ah, Commander," he replied, straightening himself while trying to brush away the tears he felt falling. "I wouldn't have expected anyone awake at this hour."

"I would be happily sleeping, if I wasn't having those blasted Prothean nightmares again. Guess that getting yourself spaced doesn't help you to sleep peacefully, either," she finished, grimacing.

"I know the feeling," he said, closing the file and turning to face Shepard. "Every time I have too much time to think before I drop asleep, I dream… I dream of things. Of Robert."

"That's recording from the attack on the Ferris Fields, isn't it?" she asked quietly.

Steve nodded. "Yes. I had been working on some construction few clicks south from the station when the collectors hit. Robert somehow managed to get out of the field Collectors put up. And instead of running… he called me."

"He must have cared about you a great deal, your husband," offered Shepard, coming to stand beside him. He nodded. "He was afraid I wouldn't let go. But for him, I moved on. At least I thought so. But then the invasion hits and the only thing I grab is… is _this_," he said, feeling weak.

He turned to Shepard. "I mean – what's the point of moving on with your life when everything is going to hell?"

"Do not say that," said Shepard hotly. "If even _we_ start thinking that, we can drop trying to do anything and just sit and let the Reapers harvest us, for we already lost."

Steve was silent for a moment, before he replied to Shepard's declamation. "Yeah, you're right… but to tell the truth, I've never felt as alone as I do right now."

It was Shepard's turn to be quiet, her brain obviously rushing to decide on something. She gave him a small smile. "I know, Steve. Ever since I managed to hold off the Batarians at Elysium, I've felt the same – no one really comes closer, once they decorate you a hero." She snorted. "And the only one, who actually came and survived, is dying now. And I spend the last six months, when I could be with him grounded on Earth, not allowed to see anyone from my old crew. Tell me about taking way too many things for granted."

It was strange to see the woman, who had been strength personified to be so down. But then she looked up and quirked another smile. "I'm here, Steve. If you ever feel alone, just give me a shout."

Before he could say anything, she was gone; the only sound the door closing behind her.

"Thank you, Allison," he said into the silence, feeling calm as he didn't for very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So, I finally managed to kick myself into writing more. Hey, I do have most of the ending I got planned written - but the space between beginning and the ending is giving me funny looks O.o Thanks everyone who sent me some kind of feedback - you guys rock my socks!

**Disclaimer:** No hetero-/homo-/bisexual people were hurt in the making of this fanfic; I'm not here to "cure" anyone from their sexual orientation – I just decided to play on the note that maybe, _just maybe_, Steve found some traces of bisexuality in him. I own nothing – but if you had free Jokers lazing around, feel free to send them over! ;)

* * *

**Two  
**

It wasn't much of a surprise when Allison stood behind him again few days later, watching him checking the inertia damper coils.

"Is the shuttle okay?" she asked, careful not to startle him. It was quite surprising like someone who could be so loud and obviously dangerous could also be so quiet and non-threatening.

"Just double checking the coils, Commander," he said, continuing to scan it with his omnitool. Her quiet presence was making him slightly nervous; he became unused to people watching him so intently.

"I always come down here to see you working your ass off, Lieutenant. Do you even take some down-time?" she asked, curious.

He decided to avoid direct answer. "I get my sleep, Commander. Flying tired is nearly worse than flying drunk."

But Shepard seemed to be really intent on getting her answers from him that day. "What about your waking hours then? Any kind or R&R?"

Steve turned to face the Commander, suddenly tired of playing with words. "I used to sit in space dock and watch the ships flying by. I mean, it wasn't something many people would enjoy – but watching a ship flying through the space, so graceful… It was almost like watching a manta ray in the ocean."

She chuckled. "I know exactly what you mean – I used to do the same when I was kid, wreaking havoc at every space ship or station my parents were stationed at, only to disappear and be completely quiet, as I watched the ships fly by. I never told my parents where I went during those very suspicious silence periods – but I think they knew what I've been up to nonetheless."

He chuckled, almost against his will. "The illustrious Commander Sheppard being a terror?"

She smiled fondly in return. "Oh yes. Very much so." She looked at him, sombre again. "I know what you are trying to do, Steve," she said. "But please, take some shore leave next time we are on Citadel. Go watch ships."

He wanted to refuse, but then she said: "Do it for me." And he just couldn't refuse.

**-o.O.o-**

The docks had been pretty busy when he got off the Normandy for the first time the war started. There had been refugees everywhere on the Citadel, from little babies to people so old that Steve was wondering how old they truly were.

The observation deck near the docks had been rather quiet, though, and he was thankful for the peace, as he leant against the railings and watched ships fly by.

He felt a presence behind himself even before the person announced themselves.

"Allison," he said, earning himself an amused snort. "And here I thought I might surprise you," replied Shepard, coming to lean on the railings next to him.

"It really is amazing, isn't it?" mused Allison, pointing at the cruisers flying gracefully through the space.

"Look," pointed Steve, "that's an old turian fregate; I think I recognize that signature. That ship definitely has seen battle recently… See that waver in her drive core emissions?"

"Makes me wonder what one turian ship do at the Citadel," answered Allison, turning her head to look at him.

They were silent for a moment before he whispered: "She's alone, limping, looking for a haven probably… They probably think it would be better if they went down fighting together with their families back at home…"

That struck a bit too close to home in him, and from the slight change in Allison's stance he saw from the corner of his eye he knew that she knew. "Why do I have the feeling you are not talking about the Turians?"

Old pain gripped his heart at that. "I should have been there, Allison. With Robert."

She pushed himself closer to him, draping an arm around him. "I'm happy you weren't, Steve," she said quietly. "I'm sorry about Robert – but if you were there with him, you would be dead., we would never met and I would probably be dead thousand times over without you flying that shuttle."

He turned to look at her – she was completely serious, her eyes bright in the dimmed lights of observation deck. "Yeah," he confessed, "that is probably the only good thing which came from that."

Shepard gave him a small smile; looking at her made his stomach do a flip flop. "There will be more, Steve, once not everything is on our shoulders. We will not give up, you hear me?"

He nodded. He wanted to say something heart-warming to her, maybe something about kicking the Reapers where they belong and living happily ever after somewhere – but his eyes caught another ship entering the Citadel docks. He let out a surprised gasp, making Shepard to follow the look.

"That is an Alliance cruiser… What does it do in here?" she wondered aloud.

He pointed to the name written on the side of the ship. "_SSV London_ – that cruiser had been decommissioned years ago; see? No guns on them."

"Looks like the refugees found it in the shipyard and went on their merry way to salvage it. That's Geneva class, right?" she asked, looking at him for affirmation. "That class always had been hard as granite; with certain beauty given to the stone and its indestructibility."

They watched the ship fly by; its flight slow, yet with certain level of grace. Steve heard himself saying: "I've got to let go, Allison. For real this time."

His companion nodded her head in agreement. "I've heard the refugees put up a memorial wall. Sounds like a plan, no?"

It did. But at the same time, his heart cried at giving up the last thing he had of Robert.


End file.
